The Differences Between Helping and Enabling Addiction

At The River Source, we understand more than most: It can be unbearably hard when someone you love is struggling with drugs and alcohol. You care about them and want to help them however you can, but you don’t want to make it easier for them to use substances that are hurting them. You don’t want to push too hard, and you don’t want to let It keep happening. What can you do?

There are important differences between helping someone with substance abuse and enabling their addiction, and it can often be difficult for loved ones to manage this balancing act. Here are some distinctions to keep in mind so you can support someone with addiction issues in a productive way.

How Are Enabling and Supporting Different?

Family and friends play a significant role in helping their loved ones overcome addiction, but it can be tricky to tell when you’re doing long-term harm for short-term good.

• What does supporting mean? Supporting someone includes helping them with things they aren’t able to do themselves, or things that allow them to manage their life better. It is more about filling in than solving problems for them.
• What does enabling mean? Enabling someone is protecting them from the negative consequences of their actions. They will begin to expect or even outright demand your assistance, which in turn will lead to you burning yourself out.

You can change any enabling behaviors into more supportive behaviors: if you’re driving them around town, tell them you will take them to work or to therapy sessions, but that’s it. Let them know you’re there for them and will help them get better, but you won’t endure abuse or aiding their use.

Putting Your Own Needs Behind Theirs

If you find yourself picking up the slack for every way someone isn’t taking care of themselves, you will burn yourself out. It’s important to remember to meet your own needs, even if sometimes that means saying “no” to some people or offers. Otherwise, they’ll get used to a certain amount of protection or work being done that they can’t actually do for themselves.

Operating Without Set Boundaries and Limits

It’s crucial to set boundaries and let your loved one know what you will do for them — or perhaps just as importantly, what you won’t do for them. For example, tell them you’re more than happy to help them with transportation to get to work, school, or important appointments, but not anything else. Or give them goods they need, such as food and soap, rather than money to go get those things. These actions help establish healthy, acceptable norms and expectations as a starting point.